And people start telling him he should start a blog. I was in LA until today, folks, and last night, at the Baja Cantina on Washington (good margaritas), enough people thought I was funny enough to have a blog. I have yet to determine if they were drunk or not. Because, honestly, I don't think I'm that funny. I mean, hell, all I have is conversation. If someone says something really stupid, count on me to make him look dumber, but I'll give the blog thing a shot anyhow. I'm going to lay down a few ground rules here, though:
1) I am a lazy, lazy guy. The only thing that'll make me keep updating is if my inbox gets flooded with you people saying "ZOMG ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!1111!!!!!!!!111!!1!!1!!!!!11!!!!!" or any variation thereof. Therefore, if you read it and like it, try to let me know, mkay?
2) My name is Zach. Don't ask me for more. You'll never guess my last name anyhow.
So, with that being said, let's get down to this business of being funny...
*fart*
Funny, right? No, I'm more sophisticated than that.
FFFFFFFFFFRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTT
See, that's funny. Right there. Onomonopopods or whatever the hell. Onomonopeea? Onomatopoeia. That's it. Damn spell checker. Anyhow.
Wait, that wasn't funny? Aw, screw you guys. I'm going home.
Somebody already took that one? Shit, man, I'm not sure if I can do this. Alright, we'll start basic:
About me:
My name's Zach. With an h. And, by god, if you spell it with a k, your computer will not run the next day. I have... connections. Literally. Like a network kind of thing.
I'm from Houston, Texas. No, I don't have any horses. We had to sell 'em all to keep the farm. You know, we had a big strom come through recently. Whoops, I mean storm. Strom Thurmond isn't from Texas. Anyhow, so I'm on the phone with my grandmother and she's trying to talk really fast. I'm still not sure if you can actually be electrocuted through a phone. Then I coughed into it and she told me to turn my head when I do that. I suppose she's afraid of catching cold long distance, what with all the surcharges these days, not to mention shipping and handling.
I'm white. Some might say half albino. Moonburn is the silent killer. Harmful UV rays at all times of the day, man!
I'm an atheist, former methodist. Methodists are an interesting bunch, you know. Think Catholicism. Think hierarchy. Now turn that comepletely on it's head and you have some semblance of Methodism. You know how the pope can just say "God is a cross between an alligator and teddy bear" and it's true. Well, Methodists have social principles, which say "Most Methodists who are in their right minds think god is an old dude, but you're free to believe in the tedalligator if it gets you closer to God." And then they have a potluck. Catholics have mass, Jews have temple, Methodists have potlucks. And at least 3 people bring fried chicken.
That's it for the day, folks. Thanks for reading. Try and reply. I'M FUNNY, RIGHT? LOL.
